Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I want to have your abortion
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
