hell yes lets make some ravioli
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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