i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
