she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
