The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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