well I can't set my house on fire every night
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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