You don't have asthma, your pregnant
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
