I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
