google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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