I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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