i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
