Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
im six kinds of drunk right now
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
