Already got asked if we're dating
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
