i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
