D3 body, D1 cock
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
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