ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
