just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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