Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
