ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
