dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
