i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
