One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
