I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
im calling her cock vulture from now on
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
