well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm getting married
To pizza
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
