your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
