the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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