how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
