My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
