wanna go halves on a baby?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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