I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
