the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Couch. On fire.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
