Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
