I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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