I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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