okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
