i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
