yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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