My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
This girl is more easily done than said...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
