I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
