i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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