I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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