Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My dick has a subreddit
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize