Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
