I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
