Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
