Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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