i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
