Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
