East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
