Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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