i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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